Not wanting too great an interval between posts, I present to you, the opening panels of a story which may go on at length, and become an oft / long revisited Character set. I have completed more panels than posting now, so that there is a bit of a cushion while I work on more of it, and get some other things going. Not discounting the sage guidance, I was already further into this series than these pages by the time Rauk reviewed "M.A.M.S.", so they'll get posted.
Mher'Phe is a 'bottle blonde' who gets uncorked by Leslie Jules MacThewes, and the two get acquainted in some intimately unique ways. These first panels are a bit of introduction, and no TG happens yet, unfortunately, (the little minx keeps doing kinky stuff with me, it's really hard pull away for other things!).
Not being much of an artist, my reach has, most likely, exceeded my grasp, so; Have At! And let me have it...in comments.
oxoxox LJ w8z
You have quite the vocabulary. I know you already had these pages made, but for future reference you may want to take it down a notch. While your word choice creates a very vivid image, you have to be careful that it doesn't hurt the flow of your story. Simple words and sentences can still carry a lot of meaning, just look at anything written by Hemingway.
ReplyDeleteDamn do you know how to write an intense sex scene. Once you introduced the genie things really took off. The last two panels were amazing, great job.
Overall, I get the feeling that you're just over thinking the story aspect. Stop trying to force the plot and just let it flow. Whatever process you use to write your sex scenes is obviously working, so just apply it to everything else and you'll be making some phenomenal captions.
Solid start to the series, good luck with whatever comes next.
As I compose the narrative, I put much effort into not being too redundant with description of sensation and euphemisms for body parts & acts performed on them. A problem because it slows me down a bit getting the text typed in, and I'm not a great typist either.
ReplyDeleteOne reason for the length of the series seems to be the point size of the font. Some images evoke a particular aspect I want to convey, but I'd run short on space and have to carry it to the next panel, or 'create' images by crop or flip in order to complete the thought. And I didn't want to go back and change what was already done, or just go to 12pt. in the middle.
Hopefully with practice, and honest input from viewers like you, I'll get better flow and not feel the need to spend so much effort composing.
Thank you so very much, Rauk, for your opinion and inspiration!
Toodles! LJ w8z
You really don't have to worry about redundancy too much. As long as you aren't repeating the same thing in consecutive sentences you're probably fine. If you want to be safe, just focus on eliminating redundancy within each paragraph and in your transitions. Trust me, you're noticing it way more than anyone else is.
ReplyDeleteAnd if you want to work on your flow, try starting with single panel captions. Use really basic stories (even if they are cliche) and try working the plot in naturally. Once you can do that, go to two panels. The first will set up most of the back story. While it doesn't have to be as interesting as the second, try to give it enough of a hook to ensure the reader goes on to panel two. If you can do that, then you should have no problem creating series that are as long as you want.
Interesting story. And very ambitious for a beginning captioner. I like that you are telling the story with the man beginning in his own body. It's rare to see that in TG captions and hopefully it pays off in further parts. You are also working very well with the programs you have to make inviting, unique layouts. I learned my trade using paint.net and eventually moved on to comic life, but some of my most popular caps were done in paint.
ReplyDeleteA couple of suggestions. You don't really need that much detail on the magic lamp. I think you could have got it down to a page at most, or you can always begin in media res and have the how and why come in bits and pieces as you describe the tasty bits. Some of this might be stylistic differences between writers, but I'll continue with my own, personal opinion.
The narration provides a slight disconnect for me. It is first person, but could just as easily be third person omniscient. There is no sense he is talking directly to me or that I'm reading his private thoughts. I really like using a stream of consciousness narrative style or a conversational narrator speaking to an imagined audience. These are my personal style, but another way to make your style more immediate is to focus on thoughts and dialogue and to leave as little narration as possible.
A big stumbling block for me was the image selection, and some of this is personal preference. I didn't find the model attractive, but if she is your type, more power to you. That said there are a couple of tips I'd recommend in image selection. Avoid grainy or poorly composed photos like these. Even if you like the model, try to find ones with better image quality. It goes a long way to writing your cap for you. Also, avoid photos with models directly looking at the camera unless you can provide a reason. It takes you out of the cap otherwise.
I started doing series almost immediately. One thing that helped me was finding sets that had strong narrative cues already and creating a narrator with a distinctive voice. Then I just described the scenes and how they made the victim feel. Once I got this down, I expanded my story telling. This might help you as well, but my best advice is to churn out as much as you can and in areas that you are interested in. You learn the most by making caps. Rachel's Haven is a good place for this because you can trade back and forth and a lot of their preferences can give you an idea for a story.
I hope this doesn't come across as too critical, but I wanted to give you my honest opinion since you've obviously put in a lot of effort. You have a lot of strengths and an impressive reach, and I believe with practice, you'll make some really stellar caps.
Let me know if you ever have any questions.
Thank you very much, truly!
ReplyDelete@ Smitty:
Not too critical, no! Your aim is to advise, and I appreciate it. Your knowledge and experience certainly exceed mine, and I have probably jumped in at the deep end with eyes shut and ass open,(I could use a good cleaning out, 'cause there's too much weird shit rolling 'round in my brain).
My intent is to start, as often as storyline and media permit, with the 'victim' / 'hero(ine)' in body- of- origin,(or by some reasonable device depict it). The transformation(s) is/are a/the 'crux of the biscuit' i.m.o., and hopefully, a key element of eroticism/arousal for both the reader and myself. I expect the tricky aspect of achieving this will be finding, or eventually manipping images conducive to displaying the x4m'n. (one reason i like some of 'Sheanimale .com' art so much.}, (have played with free GIMP some, need more practice. significantly different from CAD i'm used to.)
That scene/ theme continuity is a big reason for my choice of images in this story. Of the photo- spreads I found showing a 'genie' attired woman, this set was my preference. And while there are plenty of hotter looking models, she's not a woman I would refuse to bed with, or as, if either prospect were presented.
I'll post more of what is done, just to keep the story going. It is basically a preface/ intro to a 'universe' which I believe to have loads of potential fun.
Again, thank you, and many horny x4m8'ns! xx
LJ w8z
I see. I know a lot of people are big into the transformation process itself, and there are ways to make it pop. I'm glad to see you are putting emphasis on the before part of the story, and if you trim the intro's to these parts, I think you'll find they draw you in even more.
ReplyDeleteAnd I know finding images can be tough. A lot of it will come down to personal prefs anyway. I recommend pichunter as a god source because you can browse by model and studio to find enough images between sample sets to tell a good story.